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The Gift of Reflections

3/20/20: Had the best day today! The neuron inhibitors work like a charm. Not only that, haha, but the drugs hit me so hard that the nurses were able to come in and move my arm to hook me up to the IV without me noticing at all. It was so fun to wake up totally confused! As Neil Patrick Harris said, I’m trippin’ balls over here, man!

Droo surprised me by making a lyric video for Reflections that he offered to release on my behalf. It is absolutely magical how keenly he portrayed the contents of my heart with the imagery he selected for the background. I am so happy!

My sweet husband, Robert, took me for a walk via FaceTime today while I sat in the chair and peddled the peddler. It was like I was riding a bike next to him and I enjoyed the beautiful sky. Robert brought me the belongings I requested from home including some stuff to make me feel pretty. Since the hospital is on lockdown, a nurse went down to meet him outside. When I received my stuff, I finally got to shave my legs (with an electric razor only because, with my platelet count, they seem to fear I’ll bleed out from a tiny knick) and paint my toes. It was just the best day! I am so filled with love and gratitude. 

I think the fact that I’m not resisting or even upset about being a cancer patient really allows me to make a connection between what my heart knows and what the true wisdom of the universe is offering. I’ve always felt like I chose my life - I’ve even carried a very clear memory with me since forever about sliding down into ME. I don’t feel like I’m fighting an illness, I don’t feel afraid. I feel lucky. This is a call to action that can only result in my growth - no matter how it turns out. My soul is better already and it’s strange, but I’m actually happier and more whole than I’ve ever been before. I’m finding myself here in this hospital room in a way that I never could have otherwise. All the answers and everything I will ever need, I’m learning is housed inside my person. I completely relinquish control over the results of this experience and hand the reins over to my higher self. I don’t feel like I have to work or muscle or try... I’m just clinging to my spirit guides and riding this thing out.

The meme my best bud, Taryn, sent was so impacting for me that it’s difficult to put in words. The timing was on point, too! The kid’s face is priceless, but I differ from the kid in the meme only in the sense that I’m curious and smiling about where the ride is taking me. It’s a lot more fun that way and I think that’s a powerful moral I gained from the silly picture. 

I had my eyes dilated today because I’m seeing iridescent sparkles here and there. The result of the exam is that my eyes are normal and healthy, even without an explanation for the twinkles I see. I like watching the magic of western medicine merge with the power of heart. It’s really amazing stuff! Yin and yang, and letting go are going to lead me exactly where I’m meant to be. 


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